Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: For a lot of women, the pull towards surrogacy and the way they already spend their days are connected. Caring for children, showing up for families, being the person others lean on, the step into caring for someone else can feel like an extension of that, and it can also be nothing like they expected.
If any of that sounds familiar, this one's for you. Hey. Welcome to the Surrogate series. I'm Eloise Drain. Let's get into it. My guest today is Sydney. She's a single mom of two girls and a director at a local daycare. So a. She's. So she spends her days with her own kids and with the children and family she looks after at work. She's completed one surrogacy journey so far. Well, Sydney, thank you for joining me. I appreciate it.
[00:00:41] Speaker B: You're welcome. Thank you for having me.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: So let's start first with just kind of real quick a rundown of your own pregnancies and how those went with
[00:00:54] Speaker B: both pregnancies, was sick, had morning sickness pretty much the entire time. They both had, you know, no rhyme or rhythm to them. I was just sick. Certain things I would crave, and then a few minutes after eating it, find out that it was not acceptable. So that's kind of how that went.
Did you.
[00:01:20] Speaker A: But you had easy pregnancies? No. Besides the sickness, no issues.
So then especially, you know, with you being sick with the pregnancy, and then surrogacy came about. Well, first, let's talk about how did you hear surrogacy? Like, when did it actually come on your radar first?
[00:01:39] Speaker B: So at my church, we do a semiannual fasting session in August and then again at the top of the year.
And so during the August session, I decided that there was something more that I needed to be doing with my life. And the goal of fasting for that season for me was to find out exactly what that looked like according, you know, to God's purpose for my life. And honestly, I tell everybody that I know that that's the best way I can explain. I just heard it.
And at first, I was not really fully convinced that it was something that I could do.
So I prayed on it and sat on it for a few more days, about three days. And after, you know, really just, you know, making my main focus for that session just, you know, God, use me as your hands and feet. This is what he brought to me. So I decided I was going to do it.
[00:02:45] Speaker A: So. But did you hear about surrogacy before? Did you know anybody who was a surrogate before?
[00:02:51] Speaker B: So I Have a friend who. Has a friend who was a surrogate.
And I reached out to her before deciding to actually do it, but due to just time demands, you know, life happens. I think they. She and her husband have five kids combined, so schedules really just didn't line up to where we could really have time to talk about what all surrogacy entailed before I decided that I was gonna do it.
So I really kind of had to do my own research and finally decided, you know, that it was, in fact, something that I was gonna do.
[00:03:36] Speaker A: Did you share it with your family that this was something that you were going to do?
[00:03:41] Speaker B: I can remember my big sister is my best friend, so she was one of the first ones that I bought it to as far as my family. And I explained to her, you know, that it was something I felt like I needed to do.
And her response was, if there's anybody that can do it, it's you.
So kind of got the clearance from her.
And then I talked to my parents, and everybody agreed, you know, that it was a big deal, but it was something that. It was definitely something that I could do.
So my grandparents were a little bit more skeptical, just, you know, age gap and trying to fully understand what all.
Or how this would look. I think everybody that knows me knows once I've kind of set my mind on something, it's. I'm going to do it.
[00:04:37] Speaker A: Yeah, that's a lot of us. That is a lot of us.
So, I mean, it's one thing to think about it and. Because, you know, it's funny you say about praying about it and bringing it to God and just kind of getting, like, hearing that small voice that says, it's, yes, this is what I want you to do. And it was the same thing for me, because when I decided that I wanted to become a surrogate, I'm sure everybody was like, you've lost your mind.
[00:05:07] Speaker B: And.
[00:05:08] Speaker A: But I just knew that. I knew that it was God telling me that this was something that I was supposed to do. But it's a big difference from saying yes in that sense and then actually pulling the trigger, because it is a. It's a significant commitment, and it's a huge responsibility to take on.
How did you kind of, like, rectify
[00:05:30] Speaker B: that really and truly, like I said, praying on it.
But I think what also kind of, you know, put the cherry on top for me, was going through doing my own research and really kind of making sure that before pulling the trigger and doing it, that I felt confident that I understood what the process would look like not just for me, but really in general, what all I would be signing up to put my body through, you know, asking all of the questions.
When I was first onboarded about, I had a little notebook where I wrote down every question that I could think about.
And I was prepared, you know, when I had my consultation to just ask those questions and be transparent with my concerns. I am a single mom, so making sure that at the end of the day, yes, I wanted to be a blessing, but also making sure that my children would be taken care of was a big deal for me.
[00:06:36] Speaker A: Did you share that you wanted to be a surrogate with your own children?
[00:06:41] Speaker B: I did.
So I have a 5 year old and a 13 year old and both girls really.
I was more concerned for my younger daughter, my oldest. When I went to share with her what I was gonna do, she already knew. She really kind of surprised me.
I tried to kind of put it in child form, like what I would be doing, and she popped right back and was like, oh, so you're gonna be a surrogate? And I remember thinking like. And I asked her, how do you know what that is? And she, you know, she had seen it on a show and so she fully understood what it meant. But I, her comment behind that was, mama, if anybody could do it, it would be you. I could see you doing that.
My youngest, it took a little bit more of explaining it, you know, really on, on her level, but she understood. And I made sure that every step of the way I communicated with her about what was happening and why I was doing this and what the end goal was. And she was probably the biggest cheerleader throughout the process, so she really shocked me.
[00:08:00] Speaker A: And isn't it amazing when you, when you teach your children early on, you know, it's not something that's hidden or something that is a secret or, you know, whatever the case might be when you, when you. You're showing them early on and just how much of.
And understanding they have and that we don't give them credit for.
[00:08:19] Speaker B: Right, right.
[00:08:21] Speaker A: We just, like you're a child, you're not paying attention and yeah, they tend to surprise us often.
[00:08:29] Speaker B: They do, they do.
And I think that was probably.
It's something that she'll always remember, but also the process of getting to show her truly what it means to be we're helpers one to another.
It just really kind of blew my mind. Her reaction. So.
[00:08:52] Speaker A: So how did you handle work running a daycare center?
[00:08:55] Speaker B: It was tough, I would say, going into it, I had A plan, because I was actually at a.
Our schools have four different locations.
So the location that I started the journey at, I had been the director there for seven years. So it was home, the ship ran, whether I was there or not there. So I felt like going into the process that everything was kind of at bay, and I was in a good position to be able to do this. But I actually accepted a lateral promotion to another location in the middle of the. The journey. That was a lot to take on, having to start over, and it was not anything that I anticipated.
But I think what helped the process the most was the fact that my intended parents and I, we had an open line of communication, and I kept them informed of all of the things, you know, as it was happening, and they were super supportive of all of it. So just having really, that open line of communication and them being excited for me made me feel good, but I was tired. It's, you know, it's.
I would definitely say it's something that you have to consider going into it. Work life, home life, and then your surrogacy life is definitely something to think about, you know, going into the process.
[00:10:34] Speaker A: Yeah. Because I don't think that people realize how much you actually have to juggle.
[00:10:38] Speaker B: Right, right.
But I would tell anybody it's possible, especially when you remember why.
The why behind it, I think, is what kind of helped me get through on the hard days was, you know, keeping that end goal in mind and just living for that moment and not the current situation.
[00:11:02] Speaker A: Yes, yes, yes.
So what was the experience like working with your intended parents?
[00:11:09] Speaker B: It was phenomenal. Honestly, I don't think it's fair, but, you know, it's one of those things when it's ordained by God, that's the way it happens.
I feel like my intended parents were handpicked for me, and I was handpicked for them.
Mom is very type A. I am not, but I have experience working with, you know, different parents and whatnot. Who. Who are.
And I think we were just really honestly able to kind of speak each other's language.
And I think we were both intentional with making, you know, a bond and not just letting this be a transactional experience.
[00:12:03] Speaker A: Was that the first set of intended parents that was provided to you as a profile? And is that first? Like, absolutely, this is who I want to work with, or how did that come about?
[00:12:14] Speaker B: Actually, no, they were not the first. It was not the first profile.
They were actually the second profile that came through the first profile. I panicked. I can remember getting the profile and Then panicking.
I was like, well, this was one of my bosses that I had to check. You know, I wanted to be a part of this process, but how will I know who to pick? Like, how will I know who I want to speak to? So it was interesting.
I would definitely say the letter of intent and being able to kind of read through that helped me in making my decision.
It kind of gave me an outline, I guess you could say, for the type of people on the other end. And, you know, going into it, that there's going to be several people kind of waiting at the door for someone to say yes.
But I can remember opening my intended parents, their profile and reading that letter, and it brought me to tears, and I kind of had chills. And I knew in that moment that that was the profile for me.
[00:13:30] Speaker A: So for your experience, you know, obviously, you decided to become a surrogate.
Why did you choose to go through an agency instead of maybe doing it independently?
[00:13:42] Speaker B: I think logically speaking, I knew that my calling was to do this, but I wanted to be sure that everything was going to be what it was presented as.
Going through an agency kind of reassured me that not only would I get to interview and meet these people and eventually have their baby, but a second set of eyes and hands, you know, they were interviewed just like I was interviewed before being selected for this process. So that really kind of reassured me that I would get a trustworthy couple.
[00:14:27] Speaker A: And you looked at several agencies before you picked one? I did. So what made you land where you did so?
[00:14:35] Speaker B: I actually did research. I had reached out to a few agencies here in Alabama, and honestly, a lot of the stipulations just were not aligning with what I felt like this process was meant to be for my personal values and morals.
I just wanted to really be intentional with the agency that I selected.
And I did wind up going with you guys.
There was just an extra sense of trust. The fact that, you know the question. One of the first things I can remember is the questionnaire. The initial questionnaire that I filled out to see if I was even going to be able to do this.
I can remember the ones here in Alabama. You got pretty much an instant response.
But when I filled it out through family inceptions, it took a minute. I can remember. I think I did it on a Friday. And by that Monday, you know, I'd received, like, a personalized response. And I knew then that that insinuated someone had to look at the answers that I provided and actually review that information before saying, oh, yeah, you'll Be great.
So that was one of the main things that stood out to me. I knew, you know, if they're going through the process and being picky about it, then the true, I mean, the same will be true on the other end.
[00:16:12] Speaker A: And I think too, it's important for people to realize that the questionnaire, it's not to be intrusive, but if I was a perfect stranger and I'm coming to you for the first time and I'm getting ready to take your child from you, essentially.
[00:16:28] Speaker B: Right.
[00:16:29] Speaker A: And for the next nine months and literally relinquish my child to a perfect stranger, I'm going to want to know everything about them.
[00:16:38] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:16:41] Speaker A: So it's not about being intrusive, but, you know, it's like, think about what you're actually really getting ready to do. And every single woman who was, you know, well, they're supposed to have been a surrogate, should have delivered a pregnancy and have their own children. So, you know, can you imagine if I come to you right now, I'm like, oh, just give me one of your kids. Next nine months,
[00:17:08] Speaker B: I'm great.
Right?
That is exactly right.
Yeah.
[00:17:15] Speaker A: You know, and, and I, and I know that people get frustrated because the questions is. There's so many questions and it's long and it's like, yes, for a reason, because of the responsibility that you're about to undertake.
[00:17:28] Speaker B: That is correct. That is correct. And I think it made it a little bit easier for me to understand that because that is also essentially my job is to assure parents who are worried, you know, that I can be trusted to put people in place to take care of your kiddos that you can trust.
So it was essentially, I tell people it was my job, but just on an extreme level, extreme babysitting,
[00:17:56] Speaker A: there was no breaks in between. You can't just go home and turn it off at 5 o'.
[00:18:00] Speaker B: Clock.
[00:18:01] Speaker A: I mean, so do you remember what, what did you have to do to qualify and what that part was like for you?
[00:18:09] Speaker B: Yes, actually, I can.
So I did have to lose some weight initially on the front end. So that was something that I knew early on just because of. Again, just excellent communication from family inceptionist just letting me know what, what I would have to do to complete this process.
But I can remember thinking, okay, how am I going to do that?
And again, it was the why behind it. I knew that I would have to focus because on that end goal. And in order to do that, then I had to complete, you know, this process.
And it was at times frustrating because I Just felt so ready.
But going back to this mission was ordained by God, so he's going to set that timing up the way that it should go, and there's nothing we can do about that besides stick to the goal.
[00:19:15] Speaker A: Yeah, that's for sure.
All of it.
[00:19:18] Speaker B: Doesn't he? He controls all of it.
[00:19:20] Speaker A: Yep. So for your specific journey, obviously you mentioned in the beginning that you had morning sickness with your own children and all of that. I mean, and sometimes we know all of the things that go into a pregnancy, and we're, you know, still come in here and raise our hand. But for you, how was the pregnant. Well, let me first ask. You know, you met your intended parents. You go through the screening process, you get all vetted, you complete your contracts. How was that whole process? Because that in itself is a chore.
[00:19:57] Speaker B: It is.
And again, there. There was a couple hiccups. As far as getting medically cleared, it was not a walk in the park.
But I think that's really when the relationship began to flourish. Because even in the times that, in my head, didn't go as planned, it gave my intended parents an opportunity to say, listen, we trust you.
You know, already you provide us with a sense of just calm and trust. So as long as it takes, it's okay. We're in no rush. We are here for you.
And so really, it kind of helped, I feel, like, mature that relationship.
But there were some frustrations.
We're in different time zones and being able to have or having to convert the times and know what time to be where. And many of the interviews were on zoom.
I just remember thinking, okay, anything worth having is worth fighting for. You're gonna have to work, and you're gonna have to stay motivated, you know, to see that this thing through.
So honestly just gave us a chance to kind of build that relationship. Prior to me actually being pregnant with the baby, it was already established, and I just looked at it as a time for us to really bond and, you know, prior to the. The. The real deal.
And I think that helped a lot.
[00:21:41] Speaker A: So how was transfer day? What was that like?
[00:21:44] Speaker B: Transfer day was great.
It's funny because it was actually the day before my birthday.
Oh.
And my initial plans for my birthday, I was supposed to be going to a concert.
So I can remember when I found out the date, I was like, oh, so no concert.
But it wound up being very special.
My intended parents were present for transfer day, and they knew that I missed the concert because of transfer day, and so they gave me my own concert on the way to our.
To our transfer. You know, we had a concert in the car.
And I can just remember when we arrived, for everything that happened, I remember thinking, okay, I am here to get pregnant with someone else's baby.
And it was.
It was surreal. And walking down the hallway, getting, you know, headed to the procedure, just knowing what I was going to do.
I think that's really when all of the real emotion kind of set in.
And my intended mom was able to be present for the transfer. And I can remember hearing her for the first time, just bawling behind me. She's just crying.
And so it became very apparent to me, like, she is truly trusting me to get this job done.
And so I've got to do it.
But it's a moment I'll never forget.
It only took one transfer. First transfer took.
I remember thinking also after the fact, like, I wonder how soon I'll know.
And we talked about, you know, not testing too early.
And I can remember thinking, oh, I'm definitely testing when I get home.
So I did.
And the first day I was like, okay, it's too soon. You know, I need to probably at least wait another day. But by day four after my transfer, there was already a faint line.
So I was like, okay, he do it. He will.
And I can remember too, we had a discussion like, do you guys want to know if I decide to test early? Would you like to know the results? And they were like, no, we really just want to wait on the blood test. So I remember knowing before them and doing everything in my power not to reveal the results, you know, just out of respect for their feelings in case anything did happen.
And I can remember, like, maybe it was probably a day or two before my appointment.
And she asked had I tested already? And I remember texting back, yes, I did.
And she was like, well, we've discussed it and I think we actually want to know.
And I remember saying, are you sure?
Because we had a discussion about this. You guys did not want to know. And she's like, no, we. We want to know.
And I can remember just telling. She said, well, is it negative? And I remember texting back, no.
So we talk all the time about how it was just so funny. I was trying my best not to tell, but they. They wanted to know.
[00:25:29] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think, I mean, the anxiety of that two week wait is just.
[00:25:32] Speaker B: It's horrible, right?
[00:25:34] Speaker A: It really, really is horrible. So, you know, I know a lot of people say, no, I don't want to hear, but trust me, when I tell they absolutely in the back of their minds, like, do I really. I. But I want to know.
[00:25:50] Speaker B: But I really want to know.
Right.
[00:25:52] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm just scared of the response. Rightfully so, you know, so.
So. But during the pregnancy, obviously, you had the transfer. It's successful. How was the relationship with the intended parents during the pregnancy and were they involved at all in the pregnancy?
[00:26:11] Speaker B: They were very involved. We agreed that I would facetime for all of the appointments leading up to anatomy scan.
They were actually able to fly in for that appointment, but we went through a phase.
I am an optimistic person.
That's just. My nature is to be optimistic in any situation, honestly. And I can remember asking, you know, as far as their personal preference, did they prefer for me to be optimistic, like, while we were communicating, because there was some.
There was definitely anxiety that the pregnancy would not stick there in the beginning. And for me, again, just being the person that I am, I will always err on the side of, it's going to happen. If God called it to happen, it's going to happen. So I can remember us, you know, I came flat out and was like, I don't want to be a source of frustration, so if you guys would rather just keep the playing field level and us not be super excited or super sad, you know, just kind of play it in the middle, then that's fine. We can do that. But they were.
I think we all kind of developed just a way to speak to each other where it just worked.
Honestly, they were very involved. I tell my. I told my oldest daughter the other day, I said, I kind of miss being the most important person in the world to somebody, because there was not.
They were very considerate, I would say, of my personal life and the different roles that I play. So there wasn't.
They weren't intrusive with communication, but I just, you know, I guess I was just very transparent. If there was a busy day or sometime where I might not be able to respond via text right away, then I would just let them know ahead of time. But honestly, we worked it out. They knew my work schedule, and so she kind of knew. And she asked what an ideal time would be for contact, if they had a question or anything like that. So we just worked it out. But I never felt like my personal space was being invaded or, you know, it was just very balanced, I guess you could say.
Mm.
[00:28:49] Speaker A: So who was in your corner through the pregnancy, like, on your support, your family and all of that, too?
[00:28:55] Speaker B: Yeah, so my.
My older sister was my support person.
But honestly, the entire family Was on board. By the time we saw this through, they everybody was in the corner, including my work family.
So, I mean, down to, I think one of the appointments was like a telehealth appointment. And I can remember I had to kind of set some things up because I had to take the call on my phone.
But my manager was like, well, use my phone so that the parents can also be present. And so we just worked it out. Everybody just wanted to see this baby arrive safe and healthy, which is always the goal, clearly.
So.
[00:29:48] Speaker A: Well, let's talk about the birth itself. Okay, what happened? Who was in the room? Did you go into labor by yourself? What happened?
[00:29:59] Speaker B: So we have a fun. What I would consider probably the best birth story out of all of my pregnancies. This one, this one took the cake.
So we found out later in the pregnancy, probably around week 36, I think that baby was definitely going to be a big baby.
And my last born child, my youngest, had a bit of shoulder dystocia during delivery. We didn't, thankfully, didn't have to have any kind of medical intervention. She wound up dropping her shoulder and was able to be delivered.
But there was. Anytime that happens, there's an increased chance that it could happen in the next pregnancy.
So we had to collaborate and kind of work together on the best birth plan that would keep everyone safe.
And we decided that in the end it was probably going to be safest for me to have a C section just to avoid anything that might come up. That paired with the fact that baby was scheduled to be a big baby.
As far as growth scans, we noticed like, okay, we've got a nice sized baby here. It's probably best. My OB felt like it would be best if baby was trending to be bigger than my youngest daughter, that it would be the safest route to have a C section. So. So we did.
I can remember intended parents made it. They were able to fly in and that was another big deal because there was a snowstorm that blew through and I was pushing, I think it was a little bit over 37 weeks at that point. And we were like, we hope everybody can make it to where they should be. But mom had planned, I think, like 13 different ways to be able to still arrive in the event that the snow did not melt. She was going to be here.
We talked about it in advance. I also have a very high pain tolerance, so I told them, you know, if anything feels weird or like we might be heading to labor, that I would just have to really be on top of it. As far as communicating that to them, if I felt like they needed to come into town early, they would do that.
So they made it in the week before. I was scheduled for my C section and I worked until that Friday, the Friday before, and that Monday is when I actually went into labor.
And so I can remember thinking, I know this is not happening. We actually had a snowstorm.
Well, a snow blizzard, I guess you could for Alabama, where we never have snow in March.
So we had a random snow storm. And where the Indian parents are, there was tornado warnings. And I remember thinking to myself, I'm having this baby today. We made it to the hospital. Parents are thrilled.
And we're all just kind of casually.
We took a few pictures, made a couple of jokes and laughed and were waiting for me to be triaged.
And so I finally make it to the back and they're like, on a scale of 1 to 10, what's your pain level? I remember telling them maybe like a six.
You know, I can definitely feel the contractions.
And so again, they're like, okay, well, we'll get a room ready.
And I remember making it to the back and she's like, okay, well, we're just gonna check because we're watching and you definitely got some strong contractions happening. So we wanna just make sure everything is okay. We know you're supposed to have a C section, so we just wanna make sure we're gonna. Time is on our side. Time was not on our side. I was actually 5cm dilated at that point. And mom is like on the verge of hysterics and she's like, did you not. You didn't feel that at all? I mean, we were taking pictures, we were having a great time, and you are 5cm dilated. I said, I kind of felt like this could potentially be an issue.
But it worked out. I mean, they. The hospital had to put a rush on everything. But I can remember my water breaking as I was making it onto the surgical table for the C section. So, I mean, we made it in a nick of time.
But everything was great as far as the delivery.
I was sick during delivery, so that was interesting.
But again, once I heard that cry, I can just remember at this point was the first time that I really saw full on raw emotion because only one person could be in the room.
So I chose my intended mom to be in the room when her baby was born. And it was a big deal because I can remember my big sister kind of being like, I really wanted to be present as you did this, but I knew in my heart that I wanted mom to be able to be there for this very big deal moment. I have never seen or felt such big emotions. I guess, doing that mom, just watching her meet her baby for the first time, and we. I mean, I think the whole room was just. Just about in tears when everything happened. And it's a moment that I will never forget.
And it made everything, I mean, everything worth it in that moment.
[00:36:18] Speaker A: Every single time I've heard it, there's something there. And, you know, there's a surrogate three times over.
There's no words to explain it.
[00:36:32] Speaker B: Right?
[00:36:33] Speaker A: Just isn't. You just cannot.
[00:36:35] Speaker B: You just can't explain it. Right.
I thought about it, like, for this interview, how I would word it, but you can't. You just have to be there and be able to see that and know in your heart that this is a moment that couldn't happen without you, without your sacrifice.
And it just makes it worth it. And it's something I will never take for granted or. And never forget.
[00:37:05] Speaker A: So how was your recovery? Because. Was that your first C section?
[00:37:08] Speaker B: That was my first C section.
And honestly, the first within, like, the first 24 hours was rough, as far as I can remember, thinking, oh, okay, so I can definitely tell I have been cut.
But honestly, again, I really cannot complain. I mean, by the second day, I can remember getting up and doing everything on my own.
The nurses coming in and being like, we were coming to get you up and move you to a chair, and you're already at the chair, and I'm like, yeah, I'm great.
So recovery was really flawless.
Now having two kids at home, you know, waiting for you, essentially, that was interesting. Still having to come home and be mom to them and, you know, and there was no baby, so my body is wondering, what's happening there? Where's the baby that we just delivered?
So. But I can remember thinking to myself, it still is worth.
Was. Everything that I went through was worth it.
[00:38:26] Speaker A: So after the baby went home and you went home, you know, and obviously your body is going through all these changes, what did that feel like for you?
[00:38:35] Speaker B: I'd say it was.
It was interesting because there would be moments where I guess mentally, you know, you just move on with life and you're doing your regular things, and then something will happen. I actually pumped milk for a little while, and I can. That was a task of staying on schedule and making sure that, you know, I paid enough attention to do that because there's not a baby there demanding, you know, that you feed Them.
So having to incorporate that into the schedule already busy schedule, it was a lot. But I just remembered I had to give myself grace for what I had just done. You know, we're gonna do the best that we can. I didn't really allow myself mentally to kind of go into the spiral, I guess, that some people experience after.
I just knew I had to remember to take it easy because even though there's not a baby here to remind you that you did just give birth, there were signs.
And so I just had to balance that and make sure, you know, you just did what you were able to do.
[00:39:57] Speaker A: Yep. Yep.
So for the relationship with the intended parents, did that continue on after delivery? I know you were pumping, but how was the relationship after the fact?
[00:40:08] Speaker B: It has, and it honestly is still going. It's.
I think there were several emotions, some that I didn't really think about ahead of time.
There was a little bit of, I think, separation anxiety after, you know, delivery because mom wanted to check on me, but again, she didn't want to bombard me with, you know, messages. Her goal was she really wanted me to be healing. But honestly, they had all types of surprises and things set up for what was originally scheduled to be delivery day. So after we felt all the emotions, the baby's here, we've been discharged from the hospital.
It was like a round two of appreciation that came through. And I remember thinking, guys, enough is like you have done. I feel loved and I feel valued, but still to this day, the relationship is just.
There's really no words. We're essentially what we feel like is family for life.
So, you know, it's great. And I love. I. I still get picture mail and updates, and honestly, it couldn't have been a better experience.
[00:41:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
How was your experience with family inceptions during the journey?
[00:41:37] Speaker B: Family inceptions, again, was great.
I don't have. There was not a moment where I didn't feel supported. I even started this journey with one case manager and got a different one throughout the process. And at first I was like, oh, no. But I've already. I've got a rapport and we're already connected. But honestly, it was great. The transition was seamless and there was not one moment where I can remember feeling like I wish I had somebody to call because my case manager was on it. And there was even one trip where there was a storm that came through and I got stuck trying to get back home. And my journey manager was on it, took perfectly care, good care of me, and it was like 11 o' clock. night. And I remember thinking, I feel so bad. She was like, no, this is fine. Everything is great. I'm going to take care of you and make sure you make it to where you get into or trying to get to. So it was great, the communication in the beginning, having a checklist, knowing kind of where I was and that, just being left and limbo and wondering, you know, what I needed to do next. So I had a visual checklist, which is great for somebody like me to know where I was in the process.
And again, couldn't have picked a better agency to walk me through this.
[00:43:15] Speaker A: And I know obviously you work for Family Inceptions and chose Family Inceptions.
When you looked at other agencies, was there things that stood out that was like. And I know we had talked about it earlier, certain things of the questionnaire and all of that, but was there things that stood out even to other agencies that you're just like, I don't think that's supposed to be what you're supposed to do.
[00:43:47] Speaker B: So I guess one of the main things that comes to mind immediately was that the agencies that I researched explain, you know, you'll get. You'll go through these different levels of clearance, and then once everything is done, every I's dotted, every T is crossed, then we'll send your profile out to these different people who are in need of a surrogate.
And what I felt like I heard back was, you know, and then when one of them picks you, we'll let you know. And I think that was a part of the process that really honestly did not make me feel the best.
Morally. I just felt like I wanted to be involved in that process.
I want to do this, and I want to make the sacrifice, and I want to do everything that I have to do.
But then after I've done that, I don't want to just be told, okay, now this is the best we could find, or this is. Who says that they want you to do this for them? I wanted that to be a conversation, and I wanted to be involved in that process.
And I think that was really the selling point as far as I'm going with Family Inceptions. Knowing that I would be a part of that process and I would be involved in that was a big deal for me.
[00:45:16] Speaker A: And actually, for us, surrogates pick the intended parents first before an intended parent ever even sees a surrogate's profile.
[00:45:24] Speaker B: And that for me was.
I was like, okay, this is it. That was the last box that. And really the main box that I was looking to check. You Know, on the front end of things is, am I valued not only to the people that I'm doing this for, but the people that are going to be, you know, essentially in our corner and helping make things work, do they really care about my opinion on this? And that was. That was what really did it for me.
[00:45:56] Speaker A: Yeah.
So another topic that, you know, obviously not a lot of women can speak on, there's a real conversation happening, you know, actually, like right now, about black women and surrogacy.
And as a black woman who chose to carry for another family, how has that conversation shown up for you? If. If it has at all.
[00:46:20] Speaker B: So it has, it has. Especially, you know, going into this, I already know that the mortality rate for black women in pregnancy is. That was another thing that was a big deal for me. It's because, you know, I am aware that we do have a higher rate of mortality, especially with carrying our own children. So going, you know, as far as to sign up to do this for someone else, I have had quite a few opportunities to kind of speak on that and what that looked like for me and still going the extra mile to. To take that risk and how it made me feel.
But again, when God is at the center of it, you don't feel like color is an issue or. Or race is an issue. And I knew going into this, I was going to be covered either way, and no matter who I did this for, I was going to be okay.
But that doesn't take away from the fact that you have to do your research.
And I think being able to go and deliver at my OBGYN and, you know, not having to trust that I would, you know, be thrown into somewhere where I don't know. I don't know that the doctor cares for me. You know, these different things, being able to say where I've been and where I delivered my other two children, you know, as far as. I guess I can just go ahead and put it out there. My. My children and the fact that I did. My intended parents were of a different race, bought that up. The opportunity for me to speak to my children about what this will look like was also something that I had to do on the front end and explain. Like, you know, there's. God is all over this, but there's also lots of science involved.
So when I do have the baby, you'll be able to tell that the baby is not our baby. The goal was to bless a family with this gift of life, and I had no idea what it was going to look like going into It.
So then I just had to trust God and trust that whatever family, whoever he sent me, they would be the family for me. And again, I have, I have no words really to explain. There's been a few people who were like, I really want to understand that. How does that work? And I don't know the, the best thing I can tell them and what I do tell them is, you know, science is great, but it was created by God. So, you know, at the end of the day, this is what. This was the result of this pregnancy.
[00:49:21] Speaker A: So did you get any questions from people like, oh, you're just doing this for the money or it was just about compensation?
[00:49:29] Speaker B: Yes, I dealt with that as well. And in the beginning, I can remember every time somebody would say it, it just kind of hit a different spot. And I learned early on that I was going to have to learn what the best response to those types of comments or questions, what it would be. And it is what it still is today. And that is I was called by God to do this.
And the best way I can tell you is it's not for everybody. Not everybody was called to do this. But if you're called, you'll come equipped with everything that you need to be able to carry it out.
[00:50:14] Speaker A: And yes, amen.
[00:50:17] Speaker B: And I also would tell them there's not, there's not a compensation that can cover what you are putting your body through.
So there's, there's. Yes, there is rewards in it, but there's still lots of sacrifices that.
[00:50:35] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:50:36] Speaker B: Surrogates made on their end. Yeah.
[00:50:38] Speaker A: Yep. Well, Sydney, I thank you for your time. I know that, you know, been trying arrange this and schedules just didn't work out. But I'm grateful that you, you know, willing to come on and share and just give different perspective because I think a lot of people sometimes just assume and have assumptions of what they think surrogacy is. And then when you add in, you know, also being a black woman who was a surrogate, there's still more assumptions about it. I mean, heck, they write about it all the time.
So being matter of fact, I think there's a current situation right now with a black surrogate and issues with the intended parents. You know, it's always good to be able to hear not just what the media likes to portray, but real true stories of all the other thousands of journeys that ended up like yours. Amazing. Well, thank you for joining me. I appreciate it. Thanks so much for listening to Fertility Cafe. If you've enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an interview. Leave us a review and connect with us on socials. We're ertilitycafe. You can also watch the full video version of today's conversation over on our YouTube channel. Until next time, remember, love has no limits. Neither should parenthood.
[00:52:04] Speaker B: It.
