[00:00:00] Have you ever sat in your car after a fertility appointment, totally overwhelmed, Googling things you didn't understand, second guessing everything you said, or wondering how the hell you're supposed to make the next decision?
[00:00:12] This episode is for you. And maybe you're not even in treatment yet. Maybe you're just thinking, thinking about freezing your eggs, wondering if you can even afford ivf, Thinking about parenthood as a single person, thinking about what happens if your body doesn't cooperate or what it means if you need a donor or a surrogate.
[00:00:33] It's a lot. And most people are doing all of this alone. That's where fertility coaching comes in. And today we're talking about what it is, how it helps, and why it might be the kind of support you didn't know you needed. Welcome to the Fertility Cafe, where we explore the beautiful complexity of modern family building.
[00:00:54] Hi, I'm your host, Eloise Drain. And this is a space for honest conversations about surrogacy, egg donation and the journey to parenthood. With expert insights and real stories, we're here to guide you through the medical, legal and emotional aspects of third party family building.
[00:01:13] We believe that love has no limits and neither should parenthood.
[00:01:23] Welcome back to Fertility Cafe. I'm your host, Eloise Drain. Today we're talking about something I think more people would benefit from if we just understood it better. Fertility coaching.
[00:01:35] Now I get it. Maybe you've heard the term and thought, what does that even mean? Or maybe you've wondered, is that something I really need? Especially if you already have a doctor or a therapist or a partner trying to be supportive.
[00:01:48] So let's zoom out for a second because we don't question the value of other types of coaches. Right? You want to feel stronger, you hire a fitness coach. You want to grow professionally, you find a business or an executive coach, you're working through a big transition you call a life coach. It's normal, it's respected, and we don't assume we have to be in crisis to ask for that kind of help. So why is fertility support any different?
[00:02:14] Because, let's be honest, fertility isn't just about your body. It's about decisions, emotions, logistics, identity, timing, money and pressure from every direction. Whether you're in treatment right now, just starting to think about your options, or somewhere in that quiet in between space of. I'm not sure what comes next, but I know I'm carrying a lot. This episode is for you. Today I'm going to walk you through what a fertility coach actually does, how, how this kind of support can help and how to know if it might be the kind of care you didn't even realize you needed. So let's get into it.
[00:02:52] So let's talk about why this conversation even matters. Because for a lot of people, especially you're early in your journey. Coaching might not even be on your radar. You might think, well, I'm not even doing IVF yet, or I haven't even had a diagnosis or I should be able to figure this out on my own. But here's what I've seen over and over. The questions start way earlier than most people expect.
[00:03:16] Might sound like, should I even freeze my eggs? Do I even want kids? Can I afford this?
[00:03:22] Is it weird to think about using a donor? What if I want to be a solo parent? What happens to my fertility if I start hormones?
[00:03:31] And those questions, they don't come with the playbook. Most people are navigating them completely alone while still trying to be productive, present, proactive, professional, and fine.
[00:03:42] And let's be honest, fertility care is still built around the assumption that everyone fits the same mold. Straight, partnered, cisgender, and ready to start a family now.
[00:03:55] But what if that's not your reality? What if you're a trans person trying to preserve fertility while accessing gender affirming care? What if you're in a same sex relationship and don't know where to start?
[00:04:07] What if you're single and just trying to plan ahead in a system that keeps asking, and where's dad? That's why fertility coaching exists. Because the system is built to treat your body, but often forgets to care for your life. Port doesn't have to wait until you're doing ivf, seeing a specialist, or following a protocol. All right, so what does a fertility coach actually do? Let me first say I know the word coach can feel a little vague, especially in this space. We're used to hearing about doctors and nurses or maybe therapists. But coaching? It's a newer layer of support, and one that a lot of people aren't quite sure how to think about.
[00:04:48] So think of it like this. Your doctor handles your protocol. Your coach helps you process it. They're not there to diagnose or treat anything. They're there to walk you through the messiness of the in between, the decisions, the emotions, the mental load of it all.
[00:05:06] Let's say you're trying to decide whether to freeze your eggs now or wait a year. Or maybe you've just had your second failed transfer and you're not sure what to do next. Or maybe you're navigating donor conception or surrogacy. And it's bringing up questions you didn't expect. About identity, about grief, about how to explain all of this to your future children. That's the space a coach lives in. They help you stay steady while you navigate choices that aren't always clear.
[00:05:36] Not by solving them, but by giving you room to figure them out. A good fertility coach is part emotional anchor, part sounding board, part gentle strategist.
[00:05:47] Sometimes they help you prep for a consult. Sometimes they help you understand the options you've been given. And sometimes they're just the person you text when the feelings hit and you don't have anywhere else to put them. They bring lived experiences. They bring presence. And they bring the reminder that you don't have to hold all of this by yourself. That might mean helping you prepare for a consult when you don't even know what questions to ask, or untangling options that all feel like too much. Or just sitting with you in the mess when everything feels confusing and there's no clear answer.
[00:06:24] Coaching isn't about fixing it.
[00:06:27] It's about helping you feel a little less scattered, a little more steady and a lot more human inside, a process that doesn't always leave room for that. Here's something that's really important to understand.
[00:06:40] Not all fertility coaches are the same. And honestly, that's a good thing. Because just like no two fertility journeys are the same, the kind of support people need is going to be different, too.
[00:06:53] Some coaches are focused on emotional support. They're the person you can talk to when everything feels heavy and confusing. They hold space for the grief, the fear, the frustration, the guilt. Whatever's coming up. They're not there to fix it. But they're really good at helping you feel less alone in it.
[00:07:12] Others lean into logistics. Maybe they help you prepare for appointments or keep track of what questions you want to ask your doctor, or help you understand what your clinic actually meant when they rushed you through your last consult.
[00:07:26] They bring clarity to the chaos, which for a lot of people is everything.
[00:07:31] Some coaches take a more integrative or holistic approach. They might guide you through stress reduction techniques, mindfulness, movement or nutrition, depending on what you need and what their background is.
[00:07:45] Others focus on mindset work, especially when you're feeling stuck in loops of anxiety, self doubt or decision fatigue. There are coaches who work primarily with people going through ivf, others who specialize in natural fertility support.
[00:08:01] Some are amazing at walking with people through early pregnancy after loss, which can be such a uniquely vulnerable time and some coaches intentionally center their work on LGBTQ family building, solo parenthood, or fertility preservation. For folks going through gender affirming care, you'll also find different formats. Some coaching programs are structured with sessions that follow a set of progression or curriculum. Others are more flexible, responding to what's happening in your world that day.
[00:08:35] Some are one on one, and some include group calls or community based support.
[00:08:41] So if you've ever thought, I'm not even sure what fertility coaching really means, you're not wrong to wonder.
[00:08:48] There isn't just one definition.
[00:08:50] That's why the better question is what kind of support would actually feel helpful to me right now? Not what someone else needed, not what the Internet says, but you.
[00:09:03] Because once you know the kind of support that would feel good, the rest gets easier. It becomes less about do I need a coach? And more about what would help me feel a little more like myself in all of this. And that's a question worth asking. And while we're here, it's also worth saying fertility coaching isn't the same as therapy. They can absolutely complement each other, but they're not interchangeable.
[00:09:29] Therapists are trained to help you work through mental health conditions, trauma, or deeper emotional processing.
[00:09:37] That kind of work is incredibly valuable, especially if you're dealing with loss, depression or anxiety that's affecting how you function day to day.
[00:09:47] Coaches, on the other hand, are focused on helping you move forward. They're more present and future focused. They help you make decisions, stay emotionally grounded, and navigate the day to day realities of this journey.
[00:10:01] They're not diagnosing anything. They're not going deep into childhood or past trauma. They're not helping you get through this season of life with more clarity and support.
[00:10:13] Some people work with both a therapist and a coach. Others find that coaching is enough.
[00:10:18] It really depends on where you are and what you're needing. But either way, knowing the difference helps you make empowered choices about what kind of care actually serves you best.
[00:10:30] People are talking about the emotional side of fertility. Podcasts, group chats, social posts, anonymous forums. It's out there. And that's a good thing, because for a long time it wasn't. But still, for most people, the experience of living through it feels incredibly isolating.
[00:10:49] Because even if the words are out there, the support often isn't.
[00:10:54] Most fertility care is still centered around numbers, timing and protocols. And yes, that's important.
[00:11:02] But it leaves out everything you carry between the appointments. The overwhelm, the decision, fatigue, the pressure to stay hopeful when you're just trying to hold it Together.
[00:11:13] It's the waiting, the tracking, the calls that never come when they're supposed to, the second guessing, the being on for everyone else. While your mental bandwidth is running on fumes, you might be functioning on the outside, showing up to work, keeping conversations light, following your calendar. But inside you're exhausted.
[00:11:35] Not just from treatment, but from trying to stay emotionally upright when the path keeps shifting.
[00:11:42] People might tell you advocate for yourself, but what does that even look like when you're just trying to get through the week? It's not just about asking better questions.
[00:11:52] It's about having the energy to even know what to ask and the clarity to believe your voice matters in a room full of medical professionals who are moving quickly.
[00:12:04] And sometimes the hardest part is how invisible that weight can feel.
[00:12:09] You're doing so much, holding so much, and the world keeps moving like nothing's happening.
[00:12:17] A coach isn't there to pull you out of the hard stuff.
[00:12:20] There's someone who stays present while you move through it and helps you feel like you're not doing it in the dark.
[00:12:28] Wanting something deeply and struggling through it can coexist.
[00:12:33] Gratitude doesn't cancel out exhaustion and hope doesn't erase fear.
[00:12:40] This episode is supported by fertility360.
[00:12:44] If you're navigating fertility and feeling like you have to piece everything together on Your own feeling Fertility 360 is a platform built to change that. It brings all the pieces of the journey into one place, whether you're exploring egg freezing in the middle of ivf, working with the surrogate, or trying to understand if parenthood is even possible for you. Through their Secure digital platform, Fertility360 offers personalized tools, expert led education, mental wellness support and real time care coordination.
[00:13:18] And if you're feeling overwhelmed by decisions or logistics, their fertility concierge service connects you with one on one coaching and guidance so you don't have to do this alone.
[00:13:29] It's not a clinic, it's not another app. It's a reimagined way to move through your fertility journey with support for your whole experience, not just your treatment.
[00:13:41] You can learn
[email protected] all right, let's get back into the episode. So let's talk about who fertility coaching is actually for. It's not just for people doing ivf. It's not just for people in crisis. It's for anyone navigating this space who's thinking, I don't know what I need, but I know I'm overwhelmed.
[00:14:04] It's for the person researching late at night, jumping from article to article trying to figure out what the next step should be. For the person who's been told just stay hopeful one too many times and doesn't feel heard for someone trying to decide whether to freeze their eggs or whether they even want kids at all. It's for people who aren't ready to tell their family or friends yet, but still need someone to talk to.
[00:14:29] It's also for people navigating third party reproduction, whether that's egg donation, sperm donation, embryo donation or surrogacy.
[00:14:38] Because those paths come with a whole different layer of decisions and emotions and often the people in your everyday life just don't have the lived experience to help you process it.
[00:14:50] Fertility coaching is for solo parents who are doing this on their own and feeling the mental load of being the only one making the calls. It's for people in same sex partnerships trying to understand a system that wasn't designed for them. It's for trans and non binary folks navigating fertility preservation or family building options with care teams that might not feel affirming.
[00:15:15] Sometimes you're not looking for answers, you're looking for connection.
[00:15:20] Someone who understands the pressure even when you're not saying it out loud. Someone who can listen, reflect things back and remind you that what you're feeling is makes sense.
[00:15:32] There's no checklist for who qualifies for this kind of support.
[00:15:36] If you're carrying questions, pressure, fear, grief, or even just mental fatigue from doing it all yourself, that's enough. And yes, coaching is usually an out of pocket expense. Unfortunately, it's not covered by insurance and it's not built into your treatment plan, which means for most people, it's something you're paying for on top of everything else. But for a lot of people, it's also one of the few parts of this journey where you actually get to choose the kind of care that works for you. You're not reacting to results, you're not waiting for someone to call you with instructions, you're deciding how you want to be supported. It's not about luxury, it's about clarity. And sometimes having one steady place to land makes the rest of the chaos feel more doable. And honestly, for some people, coaching might not feel necessary right now. And that's okay. Maybe you feel grounded. You've got a great care team, supportive friends, maybe a partner who really shows up. You're moving through your process with clarity and you're not feeling emotionally flooded or stuck. That's real and it's worth celebrating.
[00:16:50] Or maybe you're just not ready to talk to someone about this yet.
[00:16:53] That's real, too.
[00:16:55] There's no pressure here. Fertility coaching isn't something you should be doing. It's not a badge of effort or proof that you're taking your journey seriously. It's one of many ways you can be held through this. And if it ever feels right, you'll know.
[00:17:11] Some people work with a coach throughout their entire journey. Others check in for just a few sessions when they're facing a big decision or transition.
[00:17:20] And some don't use coaching at all. But they know it's an option.
[00:17:25] And that's the point. You get to decide what kind of support feels good for you and when. A lot of people wait until they're completely overwhelmed before they ask for help. And honestly, that's not their fault. Most of us have been taught that support is something you earn when you're breaking down, when you're at your limit, when you can't function anymore.
[00:17:47] But what if we let that go? What if we didn't have to wait until you were drowning to say, hey, this is a lot and I'd like some help carrying it?
[00:17:57] Fertility coaching isn't about doing more. It's about helping you feel more like yourself while you're navigating something that can feel all consuming. It's a way to come back to your center, to stay connected to what matters to you, even when everything feels uncertain or out of sync.
[00:18:15] You don't have to wait until everything feels like too much to want more support.
[00:18:19] And you don't need permission to ask for it either.
[00:18:23] If fertility coaching is something you're serious about, just start there. You can explore what's out there. Look for someone who feels like a fit, someone who sees the full picture, not just the protocol.
[00:18:36] It doesn't have to be forever. It doesn't even have to be formal at first. It just has to feel like something that helps you breathe a little easier.
[00:18:45] There's no perfect moment when you suddenly need a coach.
[00:18:49] Sometimes it's just the quiet realization that you're tired of managing all of this alone, that you want to feel a little more grounded, a little more steady, and maybe even a little more yourself while you're in it.
[00:19:02] You just need to want support, and that's enough.
[00:19:07] Thanks for spending a little time with me today. I hope this conversation gave you something to consider, or maybe just offered a different way to think about support on your path to parenthood. Fertility coaching isn't for everyone, and it's not something you have to do. But knowing it's out there that there are people trained to walk with you through the messy middle can be comforting when things start to feel unclear or heavy.
[00:19:33] Wherever you are right now curious, confident, uncertain, or somewhere in between, I'm glad you're here. Until next time, Remember, love has no limits. Neither should parenthood. Thank you for joining us at the Fertility Cafe. If you found value in today's episode, please subscribe, leave a review and share with someone who might benefit from this information.
[00:19:57] You can find, share notes and resources from this episode in the description or visit the fertilitycafe.com for more information.
